a bear in my previous life

So now my birthday cards have come down and with the final of The Great British Bake Off done and dusted – go Nadiya!  I guess we are on the Christmas countdown.  Strictly is well under way the nights are getting darker, my candles are lit each night, although we haven’t had a fire in log burner as yet.

Autumn is well and truly here and I think it’s my favourite season.  The changing colour of nature, jumpers, coats, snuggles and blankets.  But then winter ahhh winter is a true love – frosty mornings, the promise of snow, Christmas fun and the beginning of a new year, sparkly dresses, glitter nail polish.

What about Spring?  The joy,  the new life and growth, the lighter evenings,  feeling fresh and shaking off the weight of a winter wardrobe.  But summer in the mix,  balmy evenings in the garden, freshly cut grass, summer clothes, summer nails!, the sheer joy of a holiday, lush!   Is Autumn my fave?

Lets say I like a change in the seasons I love them all for very different reasons and can’t pick a favourite.

This year feels like it has been sooo busy for socialising!  I may exaggerate.  Weekend after weekend its like I have spent no time at home which has often been pointed out to me by Twin I and II.  So I have declared the month of November a NO GOING OUT MONTH, yes you heard right, not a night out in sight and the thought of it thrills me.  In fact October plans are pretty calm although there is a girlie overnighter in Manchester planned mid month (eeek! excited) should be eventful and blogworthy.

No plans for November – no plans… feels amazing.

Although there will be temptation thrown my way, probably from my bae-star.   I should introduce the bae-star, she’s Thelma to my Louise, my crochet Yoda.  A tiny ginger with the hugest heart (it’s probably a purple heart that beats inside her).   She’s my sister from an other mister and likes to plan party nights out and party nights in.  There ain’t no party like a bae-star party.
Will I resist?  Can I say no? this is the question, I feel resolute but the force is strong!   Obviously crochet nights and a couple in the BoatNorses don’t count as going out so I shan’t be reclusive.

Whilst revelling in my joy of slobbing out I mentioned my plans, or lack of them, in the workplace where it was pointed out to me that I say this every year.  Apparently every year I proclaim that I need to stay home to snuggle down in my nest, to hibernate from the social world.  I want to turn on my twinkly lights and wear wooly socks in front of a raging fire sipping Baileys and eating comfort food.  My friend says all of a sudden my social media photos change and turn to soft lighting and a warm glow.  Oooh just thinking about it makes me happy.  It’s the whole experience setting the room up for nestling down, like a furry creature wrapped in my pjs and dressing gown, circling the piles of scatter cushions trampling my spot to curl up on.

It’s heaven in a living room my natural habitat and  I have learned that there is a word for this, a Danish word ‘hygge’ (pronounced ‘hooga’) which translates roughly to ‘cosiness’.  You have to google it, it’s me, it’s my ultimate feel good environment.

So maybe Autumn/Winter are my favourites, now where is that pack of tea lights…….

cosy

Blogging at my age?

Blogging? –at my age?

So at 47 I have gone through a few ups and downs but have reached a time of contentment. Don’t get me wrong, things are not perfect, things are never perfect. There is always something I’m sure, however sometimes you don’t see the imperfections and that’s when life is good. Or is that just because it was my birthday yesterday and I had a great time with my family and amazing friends or maybe it is the mountain of presents I received… So spoilt and so so grateful. It’s just going to put you in the best mood isn’t it?

Nothing can rain on this parade for the next few days anyway. But 47 ! 47 used to be rate old, but now I am 47 does that make me rate old? I don’t think so however there are certain signs appearing –

I have come to the conclusion that I have reached “that age”, I can remember my mum being “that age” and one of my older friends too *shout out to my oldest old friend (you know who you are!). I never thought it would happen to me though, because “I’m not like other mom’s I’m a cool mom” (* nod to kids) right? Wrong.   So when did the rot set in?

The Early Signs

Well it’s when the kids, especially twin I and II insist they have told me some really important news or information that is vital and I look at them and I nod and maybe speak and it must be convincing because they think I have it.  I have taken on board this important stuff and I shall act upon it. Sadly, though my reaction instills confidence, I’m faking. Not deliberately, not acting or being rude just white noise “in one ear and out of the other” kinda thing.  I mean it is not restricted to the twinners, the big girls get the same treatment their information is less relevant as they are more independent, well they have their own cars anyway.  And the lad, well the lad only interacts when something immediate is required, perhaps a quick lift to the back of beyond which is a 40 minute round trip.  Or the urgent need of an item of clothing to be washed, dried and ironed in record breaking time with no dryer or sunshine.

The Established Realisation

But then “that age” is magnified and practically flashing before my eyes when I take to our family holiday.  The farewell trip overseas.  I say farewell because there is a hope that at 19 the big girls will have far too many opportunities in the future to want to come abroad with us and the lad well he is talking Ibiza and Vegas and you’re not gonna want your dad, step mum and step sisters (*unofficially step but we have put the years in) tagging along to your Pasha experience do you?  Although as previously mentioned I am a “cool mom”.   So anyway I digress, I’m there on holiday, slightly (*very) overweight in my Debenhams bikinis , no one’s looking at me (we will come back to that) and beach wear enjoying family holiday time sun, sea, swimming pool and the other S’s.  We even bought along the MiL (mother in law), don’t recoil at the thought, The MiL is also a cool mom.  She’s a legend, is always up for a laugh and can party like it’s 1999, oh and did I mention she looks amazing (big up to Nanny!).

So yeah we are all there the eight of us, in the best possible place on earth Cyprus, and we are having THE best time, we are all meant for warmer climes and the relaxed life. Until the night I am pleasantly enjoying my own company in Jo world, you know that little bubble of chilled happiness you drift in to while everyone is talking around you? Maybe at the dinner table or in a bar, on a beach but you know everyone is involved but you just took 5 in your own world. Until the bliss is shattered with the one word, sure to get your attention – “Mother!” Snap back in the room, yes? *nods looking interested

“are you even listening?”

“Im sure you’re deaf!”

“you do it all the time!”

*shots fired the flood gates open and a barrage of comments fly at me.

I didn’t think I was deaf, I didn’t think I ignored the kids but hold on a minute! Am I ?